I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
