I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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