Someone shit on the floor
operation harelip BJ is a go
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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