Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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