He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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