didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
