Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
