weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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