wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
