I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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