You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
