Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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