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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
