This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
