and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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