; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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