I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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