she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
