Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
