I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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