Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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