Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize