Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
