hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
