office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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