barbara walters just said penis...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
