I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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