hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
