we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
