is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize