Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
