sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
