I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
