the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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