"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
