Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
