I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can text with my tongue
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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