Apparently you make a good broom.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
