i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
