Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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