I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize