She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
