Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
