i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize