I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
