Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pants are for mortals
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
