i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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