she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
