Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize