I wish my penis had an off switch
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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