Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
