Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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