I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
