these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
