Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
