Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We're too hungover to prance.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
