Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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