i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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