at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
