Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
