Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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