Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
