Sry I called you an 8
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
