i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
