I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
