We're facebook friends in real life
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i will never coherently bang her
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
