well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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