did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
