I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
