I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize