You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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