I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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