I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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