I met the friendliest cop last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
