So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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