This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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