how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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