we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
