I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
