i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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