I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
