Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
