I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm too high and old for this...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
