i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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