I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
