Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
