im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
