What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's like iHOP with fire
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
