I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
